You might not steal panties. Or endure torture at the hands of medieval Algerians. Or want to defeat the long arm of the Spanish Empire. But if you’re like me, you’ve noticed that there’s something vaguely familiar about Geronimo, Carmelina, and Benny.
It’s not their lives or experiences. It’s their desire to transcend those lives and experiences and create a better world. A world without panties, without medieval Algerian torturers, and without Spanish Empires.
It’s nice to imagine a better world. We reside in our own worlds – mixed with daily revelation and catastrophe – and wonder how we can keep the revelation while ridding ourselves of the catastrophe. Perhaps Geronimo, Carmelina, and Benny are showing us the way.
*****
If Geronimo can stop stealing panties, then we can overcome our less silky addictions. If Carmelina can thrust herself into stories that she prefers, then we can transcend our less torturous monotonies. And if Benny can defeat the Spanish Empire, then we can pin our less vicious tigers. But what can we learn from Juan not Don?
A friend of this author thinks that he offers us more hope than Geronimo, Carmelina, or Benny. Because he exists in a world that the rest of us want to return to. A world of innocence. A world in which addictions, extended metaphors, and empires cannot exist. Simply because he’s in love. And for lovers, nothing exists but love!
When we left Juan, he’d shared a first kiss with Carmelina before returning to tend to his sheep in the pastures, and carving into stone these words: “Love is a kick in the balls. But it’s still better than the alternative!”
*****
It’s the morning after his first kiss, and he notices a discolored black and blue area on his balls. And smiles. After thirteen long years, the stars are finally aligned. And slight testicular discoloration is a small price to pay for heavenly support!
He looks at his favorite sheep, massages his achy balls, and says, “God, they hurt so badly. Ugh. But… I kind of like it. The pain reminds me of her. And anything that reminds me of her must be perfect. Because she’s perfect!”
He’s so inspired by thoughts of perfect love that he runs with his sheep through the pastures like a stoned idiot. Until he stumbles upon a plot of marijuana plants. And breaks the biggest leaves off the sturdiest branches. And uses the material to braid a ceremonial hemp engagement anklet.
After decorating the anklet with precious granite and quartz, which he found on the ground somewhere, he goes to the marketplace to tell his father that he wants to ask for Carmelina’s hand in marriage.
*****
His father approves. And pays for him to take a ceremonial hot bath. And buys him a ceremonial translucent white toga. Which he dons. Before walking, with a brisk confidence, toward the colorful “Make Love Not War” booth at the other end of the marketplace.
What synchronicity! Carmelina is already walking toward him. Long, beautiful strides. Radiant as ever. Glowing, even. A woman who knows what she wants. He takes a deep breath. And smiles.
*****
And notices a boy beside her. Holding her hand. Looking at her… like that. What the f*#k! He dives into a nearby pig pen. And sloshes in a muddy trough as he watches her walk past him and toward the statue of David. With Benny!
His heart sinks. He knows that he must make the most important decision of his life: Does he pretend that nothing happened? Not the kiss, the blue balls, the perfect love, the sullied ceremonial garb, or the engagement bracelet. Or does he can follow Carmelina and Benny and confirm the end? Of innocence. Of perfection. Of the world as he knows it.
He decides to follow.
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