Meditations on Meaning

He hates two-lane streets. Because there’s a choice. And he must choose the faster lane. Because it’s faster. And he’s in a hurry. Not for anything in particular. Just in a hurry. Which means that he must be aware of the changing speeds in both lanes. To veer into the faster one when necessary.

Which is exhausting. And stressful. Because neither lane is faster for very long. Conditions change. Cars turn right. And left. Pedestrians cross streets. Senior citizens still have licenses. And he must react to all of it. To all of them.

Because if he’s not in the fast lane, he’s in the slow lane. And watching cars go by. With drivers who smirk. And get to wherever they are going first. Perhaps lounging with a beer. Or making a business deal. Or having a great fuck. Or whatever. And he can’t stand it.

Which is why he prefers one-lane streets. Because he doesn’t have a choice. There’s only one lane. And it’s neither faster nor slower. Which is fine with him. Because nobody (and nothing) is passing him by. Which makes driving bearable. And breathing easier.

Unless he has a choice. Between a one-lane street and a two-lane street. Then he chooses the two-lane street. Because in that case there’s nothing worse than being on a one-lane street. And knowing that an equidistant two-lane street with a choice exists.

*****

Today, he’s driving on a two-lane street. Which he’s chosen over a one-lane street. And listening to an audio book about meditation. Which he recently purchased. Because a coworker told him that he’d have a heart attack at thirty. If he didn’t slow down.

And he thought the coworker was probably right. And decided that meditation was better than drugs. Which the rest of his family prefers. Which he thinks is laughable. Because look at the good it’s done them.

As he listens to the audio book on meditation, he glances in the rear-view mirror. And swerves into the left lane. And notices that a car ahead of him is turning left. And tries to swerve back into the right lane.

But the fucking asshole behind him speeds up. And passes him. And as he cuts into the right lane behind the car, he punches the steering wheel. Because he knows that he’s lost. Lost!

*****

And he wants to break the face of the audio book narrator. Who’s saying that everything in this world is impermanent. And he knows that’s a bunch of bullshit. Because he’s been lost forever. Since the beginning of time. And that’s pretty fucking permanent. Isn’t it. Isn’t it!

But his rage passes almost as quickly as it comes. And the car in front of him, the one that he was so mad about, turns right on the next street. And he sees that things do change. Things change!

And he decides to try something new. To drive in the same lane all the way home. No matter how many cars pass him. No matter how many people laugh. No matter how much longer it takes.