We had too much to drink last night. Perhaps it was inevitable. Because we were in a wine bar. Because she was using words that go down more easily with alcohol. And because those words were telling me, again, that she just wants to be friends. But… but….
“But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. That I’m not attracted to you. That I don’t think there’s a good chance that you’re the one. I do and I am and I do. But I don’t want to be with you right now. Because – and I don’t know how to say this – because I’m not ready to be with the love of my life.”
******
The heavily tattooed bald guy who sat next to me on the airplane said that there are millions of Katies in the world. That the worst mistake a man can make is to pretend that there’s only one. That he made that mistake once when he was twelve. And never again.
The cab driver who drove me home said that his marriage was arranged and that he never had the chance to find his Katie. But that he didn’t care. Because Katie is an obsession. As opposed to how he feels about his wife and God. Which is love.
The mailman who delivered my mail said that he hadn’t been secretly reading and keeping reply love letters from Katie. That he’d be thrown in jail if he did that. And that if I am not receiving any letters, it’s probably because she isn’t writing them.
*****
They don’t get it. How can they? Words don’t adequately describe experiences. Or people. Or relationships. Or even words.
For instance, shouldn’t we first agree on who Katie is before deciding whether or not there are millions of her in this world? And shouldn’t we first agree on what love is before deciding whether what I feel for Katie is or isn’t love?
And that’s just the beginning. Shouldn’t we first wait to hear all the facts before assuming, assuming, that the only reason I haven’t received any letters is because Katie hasn’t written them.
*****
Thankfully there are still a few things that aren’t so hard to explain. Like that she spends many of her nights looking up at the sky. Just the sky. “Because there is so much to discover. To know. To be.”
And that I like to watch her looking. Because I think it’s beautiful. And because I look too. Not at the the sky, but at people. Just people. Because there is so much to discover. To know. To be.
