One Night Stands
One night stands are easy. Drink enough to lose your inhibition. Find someone who’s lost theirs. And do it.
If you don’t think one night stands are easy, you’re probably thinking too much. Or putting too much effort into it. One night stands aren’t about thought or effort. They’re about mechanics and odds.
Get the mechanics right – a few canned phrases, a confident gaze, a carefree attitude – and go to work. If it doesn’t happen the first time, try again. And again. It’ll happen. The odds are in your favor.
But don’t expect anything more. The key to one night stands is simplicity. Just physical gratification. Nothing more.
Relationships
Relationships are hard. Drink enough to lose your inhibition. Find someone who’s lost theirs. And try to start a meaningful relationship. It’s probably not going to happen.
That’s because relationships are about more than a few canned phrases, a confident gaze, and a willingness to play the odds. They require one person. And another person. And the desire to explore, discover, and not be freaked out by the unexpected.
Because sometimes the unexpected is freaky. It hits you off guard. “When I got into this relationship,” you might say one day, “I never thought of you as a foot fetish type of person.”
Though some experiences won’t be welcome in even the best relationships, many others will be. Like the time the moose came out of nowhere and she beat it away with a stick after you hid behind a tree. Or the time he took you to that place – you know where – and you watched the sunset while debating the merits of civic justice, or garlic pizza, or Billy Joel’s latest album.
Grow together. Learn together. Make mistakes together. And create something that is special and unexpected and worthwhile and good. So good.
We risk the unknown for relationships because we know that when they work, there’s nothing better!
The Choice
Sorry. This blog post isn’t really about merits of one night stands and long-term relationships. It’s about a decision that I’m about to ask you to make.
Do you choose to be with the person with whom you can build a life? Or do you choose to be with the person with the shiny wrist watch? Do you choose to do the thing you’ve always wanted to do? Or do you choose whatever distraction comes before that thing?
It’s my belief, after observing thousands of people in the past few years, that almost all of us would prefer to be with the people and do the things that are most meaningful in our lives. Yet so often we aren’t with those people… and we don’t do those things.
The Invitation
Wilford and I decided, almost two years ago, that we’d try to use new technologies and philosophies to build a community in which people can bring everybody and everything that is meaningful to them closer.
We’ve now built the foundation for that community… and people can now start joining it. [This is not the Avanoo site you currently see on www.avanoo.com. That site was an application that tested a concept... this platform is an experience that brings the concept to life.]
Meditations on Meaning (this blog) has touched on different elements of Wilford and my vision in every post. If you’re still reading today, after having read previous posts, it’s likely that at least something I’ve written has resonated with you. And that’s why Wilford and I are inviting you to be one of the first members of Avanoo’s crazy new community.
The Warning
Our invitation comes with a warning: Your experience with Avanoo will only be worth it if you’re looking for a relationship… not a one night stand (metaphorically speaking, of course).
The site that you’ll go to lets you easily bring meaningful people and experiences closer to you. But it doesn’t have shiny wrist watches. And the most impressive functionality is still being built. And some stuff will probably be confusing. And other stuff might break or not work the way it’s supposed to.
But if you’re like Wilford and me, this is precisely why you’ll take us up on this invitation. Because you like journeys with people who are a little bit crazy. Because you want to create and collaborate with these types of people. Because you believe that you can still change the world.
Last Words
If you accept my invitation, just email me here. I’ll get back to you and tell you how to join in!
done!
i’m tired of one-night stands and i do want to change the world with a bunch of crazy people. please sign me in. thanks dan.
I read the post and I thought about it. My mind says that I could be joining a cult or something
My heart says that sometimes you need to take a leap of faith.
I decided to take the leap, I’m in (Well if you’ll have me)
…and I believe you have the answer on how to join in
its fabulous… the way u r developing ur business… (and i dont mean it in a derogatory way) … very meaningful… extremely fulfilling… thought and gut, both gone into it…
i wud want try this new community website (for meaningful relationships
)
I am interested in a long term relationship, and am through with those one night stands. What do I have to do to sign up with Avanoo?
Hi Dan,
I love your writing and accepts your invitation wholeheartedly. Please send me more info about how to join.
Thanks,
Cathy
Dan,
I read your blog http://avanoo.wordpress.com/ and am interested in joining the community you propose to help start.
I eagerly look forward to your accepting my request and building some great relationships.
Best regards,
Gurdas
Hi Dan,
I just read your blog and I’m interested in joining.
Your vision sounds very similar to what i want to do in the future with my own company, Mondiality.
I’m very interested in seeing what you’ve come up with so far …
Kind regards,
Michiel Trimpe
I like journeys with people who are a little bit crazy, but I just got into a relationship (and a most promising one), should I join in?
Do you choose to be with the person with whom you can build a life? Or do you choose to be with the person with the shiny wrist watch? Do you choose to do the thing you’ve always wanted to do? Or do you choose whatever distraction comes before that thing?
I was right with you until you went public with your metrics for good one-night-stand partners…
–
The Banjo Players Must Die
Hi Dan,
A friend of mine sent me the link to one of your blogs. Reading it was a great experience and I’m glad that I read it. I’d like to join the community you talked about; I’d like to know more about it.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks and regards,
Arool
Oh I so want to keep company with folks who are a little bit crazy. I think I have come home.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Reality is frickin’ funny.
http://TrunkShot.com
Sign me up… I’ll willing to take that ride… bumpy or not!
Thanks for the open invite
~KC
(Kristina)
Everything about your writing is amazing. I have a feeling it’ll be the same with Avanoo. I’ve already emailed. Just curious how many people have responded? Given the number of regular commenters on your blog posts, I’m thinking we’ll be able to, together, get this new site off to a great start.
Thank you. And I’m looking forward to starting this relationship (with Avanoo)!
Hi Dan,
The depth of thought you present on your blog is impressive. How do I
join up with your new venture?
Francis
What do you do if you arent looking for any kind of relationship with anyone but moments of conversation on topics that mean something to them?
I would love to be involved. Please tell me how to join.
I like your idea and under different circumstances I would join you and Wilford but it seems I have already found the person I will be building a life with. It has already started and while bumpy at times it will last.
Good luck in your endeavour.
Shiny wristwatch - maybe not
A Porsche, nice boat and holiday home….
x
Maybe you don’t give two flies, but still…
Now, I enjoy your blog and answering questions and commenting on avanoo.
I spend about 10-15 minutes on your blog, reading your articles. They’re good and I enjoy them while drinking my coffee in the morning. And it’s ok, for as long as it lasts. i even look forward to your next one.
So I won’t make this to drawn out, let me get to the point.
Why on earth don’t people go out there anymore? Why do they resume to living their imaginary perfect selfs on this http://www.
I mean, Wilford, you look like a guy that’s very outgoing and a huge nature lover, and you Dan remind me of Rodin’s “Thinker”.
My question is, why don’t you let something small and very miningfull to a lot of people, the way it is, why would you go further? Build an online community so people could spend more than the average time in front of the computer (being their perfect built selfes) instead of hiking a mountain, taking a walk in a forest or whatever else outgoing activity, getting to really know people?
Is this more like an escape? But from what?
Now, I may be wrong, and please tell me if so. I may have went to far with presuming what it is that you guys are trying to do. Please tell me if so.
Anyway, I’m still gonna read your daily articles, with a great pleasure.
Best of luck!
Hi,
I’m interested in making real connections with people and hopefully coming out of it with a relationship. I’m also curious as to what the site will be like. please sign me up for avanoo. if you need more info about me please let me know.
Please don’t give my e-mail address to anyone.
Thank you,
Dan
I’m confused. In this post, you make Avanoo sound like some sort of social networking / meet-people site, but based on the description on the Avanoo website: (Three reasons to use Avanoo: Find out what all communities think, not just the dominant ones. Get your voice heard, without using a megaphone. Ask questions about anything that interests you, safely and anonymously.), it sounds like Avanoo is more like Yahoo Answers. What am I missing here?
How very clever you are - a master perhaps - nice slow build - feed the little fishes - gluttons that they are…for a little food.
You’re good so far - almost no one has realized that they have been manipulated.
Lambs sure do taste good when you’ve roasted them rare.
Poetman
I love the way you write, the things you say, but I doubt about that project… I mean, why should there be a further purpose?
Anyway, I appreciate there’s a philosofy behind what you both do, I wish all the people who join good luck, and I’ll keep my subscription to this blog!
I choose to do the thing I’ve always wanted to do! I just sacrificed a relationship to go travel abroad. If it’s meant to be, he’ll be here when I get back. Ok, I’m about to check out Avanoo now!
Freefries: if you think anyone’s online self is perfect, or if you think it’s built out of anything other than their own mind, you haven’t met enough people on the internet. Online selves, being one way people manifest themselves in this 21st century, are no more perfect than the people living them.
Dan: Been thinking about this, but I do want to know what it is first. I’m not getting in a committed relationship with a website I’ve never met. Suppose we have nothing in common and I end up bored on every date? I’ll be so tempted to go check out other websites instead…
I am interested in Avanoo…and it just came to me that it sounds like “avenue,” which the site could be seen as an “avenue” for meeting people and making connections. Is that where the name came from? And is that really your picture on the site? You don’t really look how I expected, but it’s not a bad thing.
Dear water traveler,
Yes, maybe I haven’t met “enough” people online and that’s because I didn’t look and because it’s nowhere near my interests. I don’t browse the Internet for “friends” (and I definitely don’t share my music with just anybody :D), I believe there’s more to it.
What you’re saying is wishful thinking, but I thing that we can come to a reasoning. I won’t say everybody is “an online perfectly built self”, there may be exceptions, but you must admit that not everybody is genuine.
Why then, if not because online they can be whoever, why then will they choose this way of “socializing”? Ask yourself that question. And when I say socializing I’m not referring to the american “spring break” type of fun or socializing, but the real one, whichever that is, for you or any other person that still has reasoning, self-esteem and common sense.
Is the world really that lost? May I ask you if you’re from Europe or US? I’m not looking for patterns nor presuming anything. I believe a beautiful spirit can come from wherever; still, the surroundings affect’s us, a lot. And maybe we should drop all of that.
We’re all looking for beauty, right? But don’t get me wrong, the type of beauty that I talk about is the one that you surround you’re self with, and the one that you inspire in other, or they in you.
Where are we going to look for that?
In the end, it’s just a personal choice.