This morning, I was writing at a coffee shop when a woman approached me. “You’re Dan!” she said.
I looked up at her. Piercing eyes, pierced nose, cute elbows… but nothing that rang a bell. “Do I know you?” I asked.
“No, no…” she said. “But I know you.” She went back to the table where she’d been sitting, picked up her laptop computer, and carried it over to me. On the screen was Meditations on Meaning (this site). “You look just like your picture,” she said.
I smiled. “So you’re one of the three people who read it,” I said.
She blushed. “What I like about your writing is that it’s so real,” she said.
I cleared my throat. “Real?” I asked.
“I mean… you don’t hide anything. You say it like it is. And that gives me hope!”
“How do you know that I don’t hide anything?” I asked.
She paused, tilted her head, and squinted her eyes – as if, maybe, she could see something in me that she had missed before. “Well, your words seem so… honest.”
Her compliment was appreciated, but it didn’t feel fair. Perhaps because I’m not very good at accepting compliments. Or perhaps because I’d been thinking about honesty lately… and I’d decided that I didn’t like the word.
“There are some things you should probably know,” I said.
*****
“If I know a picture is being taken of me, I usually make a crooked half smile because I think it’s sexy. If a girl touches my arm, I tense it because I think she prefers harder muscles. And if people eat at my house, I don’t put too much mustard on my food, because I think they’d prefer to keep their appetite.”
“But…”
“That’s just the beginning,” I said. “When I write a blog entry, I’m typically only writing about the people and experiences that inspire a single sentence that moves me. For instance, in today’s post, that sentence is: “Honesty is a matter of degrees and perspectives.” The rest is just my attempt to bring that sentence to life… to show why it’s meaningful to me.”
“Can’t you see….”
“And when I want to kiss a girl for the first time, I pretend that I’m not nervous. I try to say funny or profound things like, “Isn’t it interesting that maple nuts grow on palm trees in the winter time.” But it doesn’t come out right because I don’t really want to be funny or profound. Not right then. I just want to kiss her. And I want to do it without shaking too much…”
“Dan, this is the kind of honesty that inspires me!”
“You’re missing the point. These are revelations… and they’re revealing the ruse. The sexy crooked smiles aren’t the smiles you see most often. And the blog posts rarely include the sentences that inspire them. And the girl doesn’t know that I want to kiss her, that I’m nervous because she’s so beautiful… and because I think she’s so special… and because…”
*****
“Who do you want to kiss?” she asked.
“That’s not the point,” I said.
“But I want to know,” she said.
“This is what I mean,” I said. “An honest person would just tell you. But I write stories about guys named Jay, and talking cats, and God only knows what will come next.”
“You’re Jay?” she asked.
“Shh… don’t tell,” I said.
“But won’t she know… now?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “I don’t think she reads this blog.”
*****
We shared a long silence during which her gaze never left my eyes. Finally, she said, “I think I understand better why you give me hope.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because at some point the world forgot – or perhaps never knew – that honesty isn’t about whether we make sexy smiles for the camera, mask autobiographical blog posts by calling ourselves Jay, or try not to show our apprehension before a first kiss. Rather, honesty – revelation – is a matter of degrees and perspectives. And somebody recognizes that. And it gives me hope.”
I smiled. “And one other thing,” she said.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m pretty sure Katie, if that’s her real name, will want to kiss you.”
she’s right.
Hey, very well written……
media is a production…
thoughts come with qualifiers…
actions have intended outcomes…
We censor - and it is the way we
censor that defines who we are…
So what I am writing is that we are all
more or less honest…maybe even you.
Poetman
Oh….how we stumble along through life thinking no one notices our true beauty…..Dan, you loveable lug!
Sentimental and vulnerable- you are a real human being!!
nice to meet you dan.
I would agree with her, Katie would. Most things in life are Grey, that includes honesty. We do wear Masks, everyone knows that but if you could acknowledge that then you are a few degrees more honest than the rest. But thats just My perspective of honesty. My .02 cents.
Every hides or conceals something of themselves, I am of the belief that Honesty and Truth are two things that are never the same to two people. We never give all of who we are to each other, if we did we would no longer be ourselves. And yes Katie would.
Are you sure you’re only 25?
I would have guessed “wise beyond your years”…
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Reality is frickin’ funny.
http://TrunkShot.com
Dan…you are sweet and vulnerable just like the rest of us. If this is what you have allowed to peek out from behind the curtain, I can only imagine what still remains covered up. Beautiful!
You were born to be a writer man. Wow. Wow!
And good luck with Katie!
Whoa, you’re actually Jay?
Talk about a plot twist
That’s pretty awesome, I would have just left this offline for fear of exposing something that someone might not like.
And is it just me or do you live in a part of the world where everyone has a vocabulary that can make webster blush? I wouldn’t be able to speak ideas and thoughts so fluently if my life depended on it.
great piece
Wow!!!!
honesty in fiction can have multiple meanings, but in reality, all it means is “whatever you say or do, u cant stop watching you!”
PS.
pray tell me where IS the pic on ur site?
‘Dan’, I believe you are really a 53-year old Bud-addict with bad breath, no hair, the social graces of a Mormon on acid, and that your blog is written for you by a young metaphorical gunslinger you keep locked in your basement fed only on crackers.
It’s rare to see someone so in their element. I just read back through seven posts, and don’t remember that last time I read words that so easily swayed me to feel one way or another - full of joy, sadness, confusion sometimes, and elation when I get to the punchline and understand. I wonder when the next version of Avanoo will come out, and I wonder (and hope) that you’ll be able to write as much as you do now when it does.
-Jane
PS (To Crimson) I don’t see his picture on the site, but I’ve seen it featured a few times on the front page of wordpress. Need I say he’s very cute?
Dan or Jay:
I would like you to know that you are a great writer. I also wanted you to know that tomorrow is blog day 2007, and your blog will be in my top 5.
I only found your blog the other day, but I enjoyed reading the stories. Keep it up.
Mouseclone
I think I have a crush on your blog.
I just stumbled on this by accident, and I’m glad that I did - very well written, and very funny!
BTW, looks like you have more than 3 readers
Now, go grab Katie and just give her a big smootch for me.
Amazing.
…As always.
Well, I agree with most of the previous post.
I loved reading it. The fluidity your words and paragraphs have to the eye(and heart) is remarkable.
Take care, and kiss her.
I had a feeling you were Jay, no one argues so constructively. Still I hope you’re taking your own advice, and that at least a little part of this is true. It certainly is interesting.
Wow, what a great post. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and after reading this post, realize that I’m attracted to your writing style for the same reasons the woman mentions above. Hope you don’t mind, but I’m adding you to my blogroll, mainly for myself so I can link to you more easily when I’m in the mood for a good honest read. Thanks!
thanks jane… appreciate your excitement, but the cuteness sure doesnt move me, as i fall into the straight segment of men ;)…
i was just wondering abt the beauty of this fiction that claims to delves into honesty, and succesfully so while not being totally true itself (like the pic actually not being present on the site)
but ur info must help chris almond above, who thinks dan is ..well.. whtever.. ref up!
PS.
Dan, do u ever reply to comments? (i’ll read all the pages and check)
Good job. A writer’s hat tipped at you.
you know, i would have said “insightful”. I wouldn’t care if you made up every entry in this blog, because it gives a lot of insight into things.
Your writing style reflects this sort of reluctant attitude that makes you and your work very attractive and tempting
I agree with the woman you met today, in terms of why I like your style of writing. Thanks for the revelations
Hi. I’m Selma. I’ve just started reading your blog. Excellent observations. You write with a great deal of sensitivity. We’re all trying to make sense of things, that’s why we can relate. Keep up the good work!
You’re a good blogger; you notice the details that most people don’t notice every day, and when something suddenly strikes you as unusual, you don’t simply let it go; you spiral off into observations about wider topics just from those details. I’ve only been reading your blog for a couple of days and I can tell you’re more thoughtful– literally, more full of unique thought– than 99.9% of the people out there, and Katie must appreciate that at the very least.
You’re probably thinking about all the things about yourself that she might see in person that she couldn’t see on the internet, because here you’re only presenting a slice of your life, and possibly the best slice (I wouldn’t know). But I’ve had close friends on the internet for about a decade now– my best friends– and let me tell you, some of them are still the same best friends as back then, and we’ve met dozens of times by now. It’s actually surprising how well people can get to know each other on the internet; reality is always a little different, but the core of what you suspected someone was like– in good ways and bad– is usually fairly true, at least if you’re at all intuitive about personalities through text.
I was recently at a comic shop with one of aforementioned friends from the internet, and I saw a button that I thought was hilarious: “I’m cooler on the Internet.” I thought I might get it, but he stopped me. “It’s not true,” he said.
I was surprised. I’ve always thought that talking and writing and presenting things this way was the best skill that I had, that everything else I am must pale in comparison to it, that I must be cooler on the internet than I am anywhere else. But he told me I was wrong. After all, it’s the same mind, paying attention to all the same things, whether online or offline. And if that’s what Katie likes about you– and it must be — then I’m sure she’ll want to kiss you.
it’s funny how i sometimes tell people that i’m honest or real from the heart, but deep down i know i hide things from people or even lie to them. hmm honesty…something for me to think about.
water travellar… spirited i must say!! agree 2 u in bits and pieces… big bits and big pieces!
there is, however, one fascinaing diff bet online and offile interaction that i must point out… vibes!!… u donr feel the cliched “energy field” of the person.. or in other words… ur sense of sight/touch/smell/hear and taste are completely inactive in deciphering the true meaning of any online interaction.. all thats working is ur intellect/imagination/ & probably sixth sense…
its not just what a person “thinks” (an intangible product) that makes a difference.. but also how he deals with the tangibles… but i do agree that ALL of it emenates from the core thought process of the person…
interesting views there from u..
cheers
vivek
Hey!!
I’ve selected this blog to post a link on behalf the blog day!! (it’s tomorrow actually, but i already made the post, being published tomorrow).
Well, have a nice day.
I actually get the same “vibes” from people online, if I talk to them regularly, that I would from meeting them in person. Perhaps my intuition works via language and timing and gauging forwardness and so on, rather than body language or whatever makes many people’s intuitions not work online the way they do in person.