A few nights ago, I watched a comedian explain his stance on the centuries-old debate of whether the pen is mightier than the sword. “I’ll tell you what,” he said. “If you’re stupid enough to think the pen is mightier than the sword, you hold a pen and I’ll hold a sword, and we’ll see who wins.”
I laughed. He pointed me out of the crowd, and said. “Hey white boy, you think that’s funny? Got a pen? Want to fight?”
It was the first time I’d been put on the spot at a comedy show. The audience laughed, and waited for me to either cower or take the bait. I took the bait.
“Actually, yes I do have a pen,” I said, pulling a ballpoint from my pocket and showing it to the audience. “But I won’t be using the pen to fight. Instead, it’ll sign the check that entitles me to a twelve gauge shotgun. Then I’ll fight!”
The audience laughed. The comedian said, “Bitch, I’ll use my sword to cut your check in half . And your girlfriend.” He looked at the girl next to me and winked.
The audience laughed again. I smiled and noted that the comedian was, in fact, waving an imaginary sword. “I feel confident that your sword won’t do much damage to my check… or my girlfriend,” I said.
The audience laughed again. The comedian made another profanity-laced comment and went on with his routine. But I don’t remember anything else he said. I was thinking about the ease with which people can use rhetoric to mislead each other.
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In the hands of a revolutionary justifying his revolution, the pen is mightier than the sword because it can incite many men to fight for a cause. In the hands of a warrior in the midst of battle, the sword is mightier than the pen because it eliminates physically dangerous threats.
In different situations, and in the hands of different people, any object can be mightiest. A stapler is mightier than a sword when what’s needed is a neatly stapled stack of papers. An apple is mightier than a pen when what’s needed is sustenance.
The “mighty”, I think, are those who know when to use the sword, and when to use the stapler. They eat apples when they’re hungry. They use a pen (or keyboard) when then want to inspire. And – I think – they invoke imaginary twelve gauge shotguns when they get called out in comedy clubs!
