The Indianapolis Colts had just capped an amazing comeback and were going to the Super Bowl! People in the Pussycat Lounge were cheering, taking shots, and giving each other hugs and high fives! I was happy too… but I also had to pee.
So I put the celebration on hold and walked toward the bathroom. Not five feet from me, a man leaned toward a woman and sniffed her. Then the woman leaned closer to the man, and kissed him… like, you know, really kissed him!
Perhaps this would have been normal behavior for most couples in the world. But this was no couple. She was in her fifties and married (not an open marriage), and he was in his twenties and single (but a good Christian)!
Her face turned bright red. “Oh my God, oh my God,” she said… then she looked to the right and left to make sure nobody had seen. I tried to look away – tried to walk in any other direction – but she saw me.
Perhaps it wouldn’t have been a big deal if I hadn’t known this woman… and her husband… and her kids. But I did know her. She was a good friend… and she knew I’d seen!
She grabbed me as I tried to walk away. “I don’t know what happened,” she said. “That wasn’t me.”
“Okay,” I said.
Her face was flushing red. “Dan…What does this mean?” she asked.
I don’t know,” I said.
There was girlish excitement in her eyes. And fear. And devotion to her husband. And confusion. And pleading… “But you have to know!”
“But I don’t know,” I said.
She looked at me, eyes pleading, hoping that I’d figure it out for her. She needed, more than anything in the world at that moment, an answer!
****
To find the meaning of something, like for instance life or an illicit kiss, we must try to understand the purpose or significance of that thing. Meaning begins to take shape when we pour our own perceptions, expectations, and emotions into the mix.
Thus, whatever meaning we ascribe to something is necessarily subjective…. shaped by our point of view and our human need for congruity, understanding, or finality.
- A kiss is a kiss… until we decide that it’s indicative of, for instance, deeper feelings of companionship.
- A shooting star is a shooting star… until we view it as a sign of good luck or, perhaps, a love that was meant to be.
- Military defeat is military defeat… until it becomes synonymous with the “declining spirit” of a nation.
The meaning of an illicit kiss – the purpose or significance that one ascribes to it – is shaped by stuff that can’t be measured: situational factors, feelings that come and go, the status of other relationships, the significance of the moment, and more. No single answer… no single storyline… will get it right because, simply, any one answer or story gives us just one version of the truth.
****
“If people’s hearts can be like the trees, they will not be off the Way.”
“Huh?” she asked.
“It’s some weird Zen shit…,” I said. “You’re supposed to think about it.”
“That’s it?” she asked.
“That’s it,” I said. And she appeared relieved.
