With apologies to the two happily married couples I’ve met in my life (one of which recently divorced), the science is clear that marriage is an antiquated social institution that likely deserves to be eradicated.
In the days of yore, there were good reasons for marriage. Social institutions and religions required it, divorce rates were low, families were nuclear, people weren’t as exposed to temptation, and the life-enhancing benefits of a union were real. But marriage has changed considerably… and it’s time we acknowledge those changes.
Why People Marry
Recently, scientists in Australia asked 1,200 people, 40% of whom were married, why they believed people get married. Overwhelmingly, the most popular answer was: “To signify a long-term commitment to each-other.”
This study was repeated on a large-scale by the CBC, Canada’s biggest national network. Again, people believed, overwhelmingly, that a state-certified union was important because, simply, “marriage signifies commitment.”
Commitment, of course, means different things to different people. According to the Australian and Canadian surveys, marriage is most often a commitment to love and fidelity, to predefined moral values, to family, to tradition, and to enhancing power, wealth, and status.
Why Marriage Should Be Eradicated
People marry, studies tell us, because they want to honor and fulfill various ideas about long-term commitment. But science shows that the vast majority of people are unable to fulfill almost any of the commitments that compelled them to marry in the first place. Let’s explore:
Commitment to love: Studies show that “love”, regardless of how everlasting it may feel in the beginning stages of a relationship, usually doesn’t sustain itself in the long-term. The “honeymoon period” that invites many of us to think about “forever” lasts… at the very most… two years. And then we settle down into a rhythm that is better described as “comfort” or “companionship”.
Commitment to fidelity: Studies have shown that monogamy is the exception and not the rule in marriages. According to Peggy Vaughn, author of The Monogamy Myth, “Conservative estimates are that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair.” Many of these infidelities are asymmetrical (only one partner is cheating), and thus infidelity likely occurs in up to 80% of marriages.
Commitment to morality: Contrary to the dogma of many religious figures, marriage doesn’t make us more moral creatures. This is evidenced by studies depicting very high adultery rates… as well as high rates of dishonesty and deception in marriage. We are human and we err… and we continue to err even after we get married.
Commitment to a family: According to the U.S. Census Bureau, divorce rates hover between 40 and 50%, and nuclear families (married couples living with children, including blended families) now represent less than 25% of American families. Marriage does not ensure a nuclear family any more than simply living together.
Commitment to power, wealth, or status: Marriage can sometimes involve an economic exchange: money for beauty, power for power, etc. Each spouse is strengthened by what the other offers. But due to the overall weakening of the marriage institution, having a trophy spouse is now not more advantageous than having a relationship with that person outside of marriage.
Conclusion
Marriage has been an integral part of the human experience since practically the beginning of civilization… and it would be crazy and inhuman to eradicate it today.
Or would it be…
Today’s world is markedly different from worlds past. We are better informed, with more objective knowledge about what’s really happening in our lives. We’ve eradicated small pox, typewriters, and sheepskin condoms… So maybe its time to eradicate an antiquated social institution founded in mythologies and traditions that simply aren’t real or relevant anymore!
Author’s Notes
· Australian survey on why people marry
· Canadian survey on why people marry
· BBC article on the machinery of love
· Information on “The Monogamy Myth”
· Salon.com article about nuclear families
· Statistics on “immorality” in marriage
Wow. I don’t really know what to say to this. I wonder if anyone has taken the position that maybe there is less commitment to fidelity, love, family, etc. nowadays because marriage has taken a back-seat in importance lately. By lately, I mean in the past century or so. Is it possible that it is not that marriage is now irrelevant, but that humans are less willing to control their desires and more apt to follow their whims in a very selfish fashion, now that everyone is doing it? And is science really the right medium for studies on a social issue? It’s all opinions.
That said, I cannot rebut anyone’s opinion on marriage, but I can add that I am happily married, for the past 6 years. We married neither for money, nor power, nor wealth. We were both college students at the time. My husband is still a student. We are still living in a basement, making a poverty level salary. I like being married, and my husband does too. So should marriage be eradicated, even though there are still people that do it and like it? I mean, they tried to eradicate alcohol a few years back, and lots of people got a little mad.
Anyway, nice post. I still vote for marriage.
Ha, great post. I won’t argue with any of your points. I’ll simply point out that the science indicates that married people are happier, healthier, more successful, and have more sex.
If there were a magic drug that did the same thing, we’d all be mortgaging everything we had to buy our supply.
I think it’s important to put things into perspective culturally here. I think most of the problems with marriage that you write about have alot to do with American/Western culture. Advertising, marketing, and entertainment have slowly over the course of the past 50 years eroded at the traditional image of marriage and the nuclear family.
Other cultures in the world don’t necessarily see marriage as a dying institution. On the contrary in many cultures it is still the foundation upon which society is able to exist.
Rather than asking the question ’should marriage be erradicated?’ why not ask why marriage in America is in the sorry state that it is?
The science is clear. That’s undeniable.
But, even with the possibilities of infidelity and the collapse of the cultural consensus surrounding marriage’s implications, marriage is still valuable in the long term for enough people that they still stick with it.
I’ve suspected all along that marriage is bullshit social institution with little merit in today’s world. Thanks for offering the science to back up what many of us have been thinking.
I’m standing with Chris Yeh.
I’ll simply point out that the science indicates that married people are happier, healthier, more successful, and have more sex.
The foregoing describes my marriage.
Marriage is, like you said - a commitment - very true. But marriage isn’t a few year long commitment like a dating relationship (or even less in most case) - marriage is designed for a man and a woman to be united for the rest of their lives. It wasn’t designed so people could have sex without being frowned upon.
The union between a man and a woman was designed to balance the two. A man is wired differently than a woman. Likewise, a woman is wired differently than a man. A man needs a partner. Again, likewise, a woman also needs a partner.
Marriage brings a man and a woman together to balance the differences they have. When they are united together - they are stronger. Together they can get through life.
Marriage is a long-term commitment.
If you can’t make the long-term commitment - don’t get married - plain and simple.
I will not speak to the science but to my experience. I have been married twice. Both times the expectations were, that I being the female, sacrifice myself to the marriage. That I give up my body and soul to the needs of my husband. My needs were not met in the context of either marriage, and I was physically threatened and verbally abused by the second husband. Marriage was a trap. A trap which I figuratively chewed my leg off to get out of.
You never really know someone until you have married them. I was manipulated and lied to by both husbands. I don’t think I’ll be going there again. I value my freedom too much.
The science is clear only about the infidelity of people.We don’t need to eradicate marriage.It will be self-destroyed but not too soon .We won’t live enough to see it happening !
Although you make strong points, in evolutionary terms, marriage is actually a good thing. The reason divorce rates are high nowadays is because it has become socially acceptable, however it is quite likely that things will swing back in the other direction towards more conservative lifestyles comparable to the Victorian era (though probably not quite as strict).
Natural selection makes us all want to have babies, not necessarily consciously but that’s ultimately why “love” even exists. Sorry to burst the bubbles of you die-hard romantics out there, but Love is pretty much just a subconscious mechanism designed to make you pair up and produce copies of your genes so that they will persist for at least a few more generations. If marriage were erradicated, kids would suffer, and over time the gene pool would become concentrated with the genes of good looking, charismatic and successful men who can afford to charm and sleep with lots of women producing lots of kids. The not-so well off guys don’t “win” as many partners, and thus they don’t pass on their genes. Obviously birth control and other modern mechanisms like that get in the way, but ultimately marriage helps to ensure that hypothetically every guy has a chance to get a girl (rather than the hot rich men going through a series of women who also have good genes/resources) and that children are raised in an environment they are most likely to survive and develop into the types of people who will also get good mates and pass on their genes.
I know you’re all thinking genes don’t “control” us, but ultimately our behaviour is all constrained by the mechanisms that were selected for and passed on before we humans developed the mental capacity to have complex feelings and build society and culture. Even though we don’t consciously or rationally think that way today, our DNA still does.
It’s clearly quite a bit more complicated than that, and there are a million other things in the mix that contribute to what makes marriage good or bad, but I recommend Robert Wright’s “The Moral Animal: why we are the way we are” for more on the subject.
I think marriage is definitely overrated. There are advantages and disadvantages to both married and single life.
It’s not that we are more objective now. We are just different. We’re as objective as we ever were.
That said, if we avoid overrating marriage, it can still be a good situation in many case, especially if people are realistic with their expectations (that is to say, not dogmatically idealistic about their expectations).
This is just kind of sad. I married my husband because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
We’ve been married for more than ten years now and I love him more with each passing year.
People may marry for the wrong reasons, but our society has turned into one where people don’t always honor their commitments. But some of us still do.
i do not agree woth u… but i don’t why
Oooooohhh .. don’t get me started!
When you think about it .. we are all animals with slightly more intelligence but still have a social order. Look at the mating habits of animals … the male impregnates as many females as possible to keep the genes going. (it just happens to be pleasurable in the guise of life finding a way) He doesn’t really care about what the female looks like … there’s a certain amount of display to win her over (think peacocks).. just as there is a pecking order among the females (think lionesses).
My social conditioning screams ‘this is so unfair!’ .. but that is just it. I belived that morals and religion are a set of man-made rules to bring about some kind of social order, or we would all still be back in caveman days. We’ve thought and evolved ourselves into a tight spot.
Marriage was originally a partnership revolving around procreation, keeping bloodlines pure and traceable but also for the aquiring of land and wealth. It was also a pretty good deal for men, a cheap way of getting ontap sex, the house kept tidy and making sure the fruitful seed of his loins were nurtured to adulthood. She got free lodgings and something to fill her time plus protection of her husband. Love was something that only happened afterwards I feel, and then when emotions got in the way of the business relationship of marriage - it all turned to custard. We all know we shouldn’t go into business with friends or family.
I could go on …
I would have gone on loving the idealistic fabrication of marriage if mankind could keep to the rules our ancestors created in their day. But .. sadly that childhood dream of growing up and marrying and living happily ever after really is something that should remain in the fairytales .. but not be fed as a strategic part of growing up to influential young minds.
As it so happens, my hormones still rattle my ovaries and send out some secret message to someplace in my brain when I see or smell certain men saying ‘you’ve got to get your bones ground by that man’ .. and it completely throws me for a six when I logically know what is truly going on. Life will find a way. (Jurassic Park)
We are slaves to our animalistic and biological instincts … I hate it, but I’ve proved it time and time again.
Marriage is not a set of simple set of commitments, as you so nonchalantly point out. It’s a serious, covenant/contract that should be entered into with great reverence and responsibility.
Eradicating marriage because people abuse the institution is not the answer. Marriage is not an obsolete social institution. It is a precious and worthwhile institution that has been trampled upon by selfish convenience and lack of work ethic by a series of slacker generations in western culture. The “stats” you list back that up.
The life of a married couple is not a fairy tale, but a life of determined, passionate choices. The warm fuzzy feelings you describe as the honeymoon period occur in EVERY aspect of our lives. You get a new job and you’re excited about it for a while, then when the “fuzzies” are gone you choose to go to work every day. You find a new hobbie, or see a great movie, or learn a new card trick, or move to a new city. It all comes with a honeymoon period attached to it.
The problem with the way western society now perceives marriage is that it’s through a self-centered lens. Marriage takes work. Work is hard. Most people aren’t willing to spend the effort to get the results of a GOOD marriage. Look at the divorce rate.
To conclude, most people shouldn’t even marry in the first place. Marriage as an institution isn’t the problem, it’s the lame slackers who enter into that ageless covenant unprepared, undetermined, and unwilling to make it what it should be. They’d rather take the easy road…
I am only nineteen, but I have thought about my life and things to come in my life, and how they will interact with society. I agree with you about marriage being a status rather than a true commitment. I think a large reason for marriage is dependence. Obviously there is some dependence in a committed relationship, but I am referring more to financial dependence. In reality we all use each other. People have a mind set of the “American Family”- a working husband, two kids, and stay-at-home wife. Our culture has edged away from this mold considerably, since women are now in full force in the working world. This is a great thing for women, but has created conflicts ranging from schedules to children.
I agree, marriage should be eradicated. It is an antiquated institution imposed by religion in order to force women and men into “traditional” roles and to impose religious moral values. It’s a bunch of crap, in my opinion.
But still, I’m married. I’m not religious, and my husband is an atheist. We don’t like kids and don’t want any. We have very independent careers and spend most of our time in separate locations, maintaining two homes. You’ve probably already guessed that there was no name-changing involved, and the bride did not wear white. So why did we get married?
The problem is that we had no alternative. In America, we don’t have the ability to declare any other type of social partnership that would allow us to identify one another as related in all the ways that are legally important. Were we in France, we wouldn’t have to be married… we could have a simple civil union.
One of the points I recall is that countries that offer legal partnerships have stronger marriage statistics… which doesn’t exactly support the eradication of marriage, but at least it gives the rest of us another opinion.
A real smart blog about marriage and its unconvenients in this modern life.
That fake idea about commitment, oh lord, is so ancient than i think nobody remains why is a kind of rule for human relationships.
Anyway we are enough of people in this world and to be married actually is just a waste of money, legal fightings and emotional crisis.
Very smart!!!!
there is really a posibility for married people to cheat because being married doesn’t make one a saint. humans are always prone to temptations that constantly challenge and excite curiousity, hence, infidelity happens. but i still believe that majority of married people are happy.
Marriage is a picture of Jesus Christ and His church. (Ephesians 5:22-33) It is not a social institution but a divine institution. It exists to model Jesus (as the bridegroom) and the church (as the bride). I’ll grant you that many marriages, if not most, are poor reflections of Jesus and the Church. That, however, is not the fault of the institution but the people who enter into it.
When you look at marriage merely from a naturalistic perspective, leaving no room for the divine decree, then marriage becomes truly shakey indeed. Why stay in a relationship that is hard if there is no greater reason than for emotional love or long-term commitment. People have demonstrated from the beginning of time that they will not and cannot live up to their word. If you eliminate God has the creator of the institution and Jesus Christ as its Lord, then it is very easy to throw out the baby with the bath water. But that would just be adding sin on top of sin.
And, by the way, congratulations on tossing out a bunch of surveys and calling it science and having people stand up and say, “Well, you can’t argue with that!” Wow.
Look at it like this: suppose a group of people each owned a car. If a huge percentage of them didn’t change the oil, rotate the tires or in general just abused their car, would you scientifically suggest we should get rid of cars because they don’t work well or people just cannot care of cars?
I would say marriage is like that. I’ve been married for 20+ years and I have been faithful to my wife and desire to grow old with her. We make it a point to take care of our marriage and each other. But I believe an earlier poster has it right: married couples are happier, live longer and have hotter sex(my thoughts on this matter). Wouldn’t those results mean marriage is better and maybe scientifically we should study those couples to learn how the rest of the population could benefit? Just a thought, I could be wrong-but I don’t think I am.
I was reading through some of these comments, and amazed that people are stating and restating an interesting myth. Married couples are happier, have better sex, etc. That’s just not that case, and there is no scientific data to support it. Read the attached link… it’s a CNN’s report on a long-term study tracking 24000 people over many years.
http://www.cnn.com/2003/HEALTH/03/17/marriage.poll.reut/
One thing I enjoy about Dan’s posts is that though they are provocative, they are also researched and thoughtful. Unfortunately, that is not the with some of us who are commenting.
Best,
Janice
Erradicate marriage based on 2 surveys and some outsiders opinions? I think not…what gives you (or anyone) the right to take that choice of holy matrimony away from another human being…if you don’t like it, don’t do it. I can somewhat appreciate the enlightening statistics (most of which were single-minded *estimates*, hardly scientific evidence); perhaps the solution here is elucidation of the facts to the masses, rather than eradication of the option. Marriage has been around from the beginning of time, and just because it no longer plays the same role (or, perhaps, is not quite as effective at that role), does not mean it’s now worthless. It is still a focal point of life for a lot of deserving people, specifically for those who choose it for the right reasons.
Marriage is not the problem. Infidelity and divorce have always been a part of the contract. The problem is that marriages last too long these days. Up until the late 1800’s or even the early 1900’s (in Western Society) Deaths in childbirth, epidemics and wars meant that it was unlikely a marriage would last much more than 15-20 years. Then the survivor would move on to a new partner.
We need to update the concept of marriage. From an evolutionary viewpoint it is for the raising of children. So a marriage should only last until the kids reach puberty! After that, it is the choice of the partners whether they stay together or not.
Instead of “Til Death do us part” let us rewrite it to read “Till the children are adult do us part”.
Yeah, let’s get rid of marriage just because members of our society lack the moral courage and responsibility to live up to their promises. Yep, just because 99.99% of all divorces are caused by marriage, we should just toss the whole concept of out the window. (Yes we can play with statistics to make a case for any point.) Sorry, as long as the few of us who still believe in “till death do us part” are still alive, so will be marriage.
Man. We always put blame on the “Institution.” Marriage is a wonderful idea. Have you thought perhaps that most people in this modern age aren’t trained to grow and mature to properly be in a committed relationship?
Its not the institution that stinks. Its people that stink about doing it.
who would bother with eradicating marriages? I’m thinking that this is quite a personal matter and I can’t imagine a bill being past to eradicate marriage…but then again we are letting the government have more and more control over our god given rights…it wouldn’t surprise me one bit to see we,the people, stand by and watch it happen. instead of changing marriages…why don’t WE change instead…Maybe start by loving thy neighbor.
By eradicated, do you mean that people shouldn’t be allowed to get married anymore? That’s as ridiculous a statement against personal freedom as the idea that gay couples shouldn’t be allowed to marry.
I am getting married in 3 months, and I consider myself lucky to have that option. I am making the choice to marry, and the only reason that I could possibly come up with not to have that option is because everyone in this country doesn’t have that right.
In the same way, I will make the choice to remain faithful to my husband. I agree 100% with body4god’s statement that “The life of a married couple is…a life of determined, passionate choices.” If other married couples make other decisions, why should it matter to me? Why should it matter to you, for that matter? Who is either of us to determine what is “real or relevant” to other people?
And to my mind, the difference between a marriage and a civil union is pure semantics.
I am very impressed by the opinions posted on this topic. Both sides have made valiant attempts to prove their opinion the correct one. Everyone is very adamant, not much wishy-washy here. Too bad our politicians are not as forthcoming as all of you.
I agree with you completely. Marriage is about power and control and it does not work in this society. I can only reference my own relationships, but when I do, they always end bad because the women I date seem to feel that if they give me sex, I have to give them whatever they want at the exact time they want it or else, so I say, “fuck you. don’t give me sex anymore. Goodbye.” But I am a little scorned right now (check out my blog for proof).
I think marriage has its value. I’m one of those bizaare children of happy homes. My parents are retardedly (yeh, disgustingly) in love 27 years later, still I realise they are the exception.
My mother makes a lot of concessions that I would not, so does my father for that matter. It’s not meant for everyone, and the belief that everyone requires marriage for their happily ever after is the problem, not marriage itself.
I don’t think it should be erradicated…but I’m certainly not convinced it should be propagandised as the norm, or the ideal any more. It’s just one option, a fine option but an option we should not be hearded towards like blind cattle. And an option that most people should think twice about choosing.
Describing something with the words “antiquated” does not make it synonimous with “ineffective” or “bad.” Take sex, for example. This practice has been engaged in for thousands of years - I think we could safely say that is antiquated. And nobody will ever suggest it is a bad thing simply because it has been around for a long time. All I am trying to say here is that this is an extremely poor argument that I have heard far too many times.
As for the statistics, comments have already been made as to why they occur. Perhaps if people didn’t enter marriage expecting the bliss of infatuation to continue for the rest of their earthly lives, they would be able to stick it out through the throwing up and arguments and unpaid bills that make married life (or civil union life) so frustrating. I am not married, but I have lived with a couple for 22 years that have one of the happiest marriages I have ever seen (I say one of, because I am blessed to know a great many happily married couples). My parents have defied every statistic: despite having a child with autism (ups chances of divorce 80%), having nine other children besides (no twins) and homeschooling all of them, they are not only STILL married, they are even more in love than when they first began. And they will be the first to say this is only by God’s grace. I have spent a lot of time with this couple, and I have seen them give and offer of themselves to one another and us day in and day out. In an hour my baby brother will begin crying, and my father will walk him back to sleep so that his wife can continue resting.
Too many people go into marriage because they believe the other person will “make them happy.” This is inherently selfish, and self defeating. Happiness is not something you find for yourself - you get it by seeking the happiness of others.
And my lingering question, if marriage is so ineffective, so antiquated, so unnecessary, then what is proposed as its substitute? I would dearly like to hear of something better. If there is so little motivation for people led by their feelings to remain married, would lessening the commitment make them any more inclined to stay together?
Where would the children be then?
i think the problem lies not in the institution of marriage but with people who decides to marry. i married my boyfriend who got ill at the age of 23. it was not a question of whether to marry because of a more profitable future with a healthy husband but of the love that i feel for him, or that we feel for each other.
the human race, for me, becomes corrupted because they choose to be. it is a matter of choice.
marriage should not be eradicated.
I’m curious - how many of the people who are agree that marriage should be eradicated are in a long-term relationship (of any sort) at the moment? And how many of those who disagree are in a long-term relationship?
Gene Simmons said it best …
Marriage is an institution, and you have to be crazy to want in
Interesting in theory. Stupid in practice.
If you only know two happily married couples, you either hang with a very weird subset of humanity, or have a ridiculous definition of happiness.
Economists who’ve tried to calculate the effect different factors have on people’s happiness (look for Andrew Oswald among others) estimate that being married on the average increases people’s happiness to the same extent as an extra £60,000 of income pa. About $120,000 US, at current exchange rates.
And no, that doesn’t mean married people float around in a state of perpetual bliss. Any more than people who earn a $100,000 a year more than you float around in a perpetual state of bliss. But they are somewhat happier on the average than if they didn’t have that.
Though I disagree with your theory that marriage needs to be eradicated, I think you touch on something very important that society has forgotten and that is that marriage, is in it’s essence a religious practice and a social institution founded by spiritual leaders. Therefore, why in the world would an atheist or agnostic ever marry? This phenomenon boggles me. If anything it shows how much of a tremendous impact religion has had on cultures around the world. I’m curious how the divorce rates compare between those couples who’s union is based on a spiritual foundation versus those who’s is based on nothing more than each other. Because I believe it’s in the former example, where it works. The latter is like trying to mix water with oil.
when it comes down to it marriage is a decision. how could you eradicate a choice that people make? you could talk about eradicating societal pressure to marry, maybe, but i don’t even know if people in this day and age actually feel like there’s a gun to their head.
people want to spend the rest of their life with someone, the same someone, and that is an innate human desire that, when ignored, leaves us inevitably empty and unfulfilled. and you might say that so do most marriages as well. my opinion though is that is due to the fact that people’s mindsets toward marriage are badly distorted.
most people enter a marriage based off of their desire to be loved by their spouse, when we should be entering our marriage committed to loving our spouse. self-centered love is the root of failed marriages.
though i was very impressed by your writing and a lot of the points that you made.
Ernest Grover a well known Sociologist defines marriage as “a public confession and a legal registration of an adventure in fellowship”. Marriage as an institution arises not out of spiritual of religious duty but out of necessity. The physical needs of man and woman have to be satisfied at some stage in life and moreover have to be satisfied in a socially responsible manner. You mentioned that “We are better informed, with more objective knowledge about what’s really happening in our lives. We’ve eradicated small pox, typewriters, and sheepskin condoms…” how on earth is this related to “eradicating”( thats a word used with reference to diseases not social institutions) marriages. And just because divorce hovers between 40% and 50% in America that doesn’t mean marriage as an institution is outdated in the rest of the world. Its very easy to compile statistical facts and show evidence to prove that marriages should be made redundant, but I can use “that very method” to show the corruption in government administration all over the world. So does that mean that governments all the over the world should be shunned out. If your proposition is to “eradicate” marriages, then you also have to come up with an alternative system, show us that.
Interesting discussion. If you are in a relationship, depending on your jurisdiction, you might want to write your will (and get your partner to write one) in order to be able to leave them your assets in case you die (or to inherit theirs, should your partner die first).
According to Italian law, if I die without a will, the person I have lived with for the last fifteen years gets nothing, not even my share of the home we live in. It all goes to my parents and siblings. If I write a will, however, I can leave him up to two thirds of my assets, with a third reserved by law to my blood relatives. So, writing a will is pretty high on my list of New Year’s resolutions.
My theory: a key reason why people marry instead of writing a will is that a wedding is a party and doesn’t remind them of death.
Science, you say. It sounds more like a sociological study than science. The research that you cite has more to do with changing values in society than with scientific facts. What is marriage that it could possible change? People have changed (though at our core, we are as self-centered and sinful as mankind has always been). Worldviews have changed. And values such as commitment, integrity, faithfulness, seeking the other’s benefit first (read: love) are certainly rare commodities in our postmodern world where the “almighty me” is the center of the universe and there is no authority outside of one’s own self.
The problem is not in the institution of marriage but in the heart. We have a bad case of “cardioschlerosis”, figuratively speaking, a hardening of the heart. We have hearts that are selfish and childish, unbending and unforgiving. Marriage is not the problem; we are the problem.
You make some amazing declarations. You state in your conclusion: “We are better informed with more objective knowledge about what’s really happening in our lives.” The implication is that we have so far advanced beyond previous generations that we have no need of what you call “predefined moral values”. It amazes me that after two world wars, Auschwitz, Korea, Vietnam, the tribal wars of Africa’s recent history, 9/11, Iraq, the threats of Iran and North Korea, rampant violations of human rights around the globe, etc., that someone could imply that we are wiser and better informed than previous generations! If so, as Rodney King asked, then why do we not know how to get along with each other? Why are we unable to maintain even the most fundamental and intimate and fulfilling relationship? The truth is that with all of our technological advances and the glut of information, we know very little about ourselves and what makes us tick, mainly because we delude ourselves into thinking that we are basically good. But there is nothing good about reneging on our commitments, destroying lives and ripping the hearts out of our marriage partners and our children.
I frequently see the suffering of people who have lived by the moral values — or the lack thereof — that you endorse in your article. Just this week, the sister of a dear friend tried to commit suicide because her live-in lover decided to return to his wife. And he did that because his abandonment of his family was destroying his own son. The moral values that you spurn were given to protect wives, husbands, children, families and societies.
As for me, I feel sorry for those who have not been concerned enough to build the type of character that it takes to maintain the vital and fulfilling relationship that marriage is. And I feel sorry for gullible readers who simply don’t have the worldview to know that the studies that you cite are woefully flawed. In a few weeks, my wife and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We have been entirely faithful to each other. There is nothing that you or anyone else could offer me that would even tempt me to compromise my cherished relationship with her. People need intimacy on all levels and the best and only place to find that kind of committed intimacy is in the time-tested and proven institution of marriage. Don’t buy the garbage of those who are trying to excuse their own failures with so-called scientific studies which merely give a statistical analysis of the results without probing the deeper causes of divorce and the breakup of the family. There is a better way.
I think that the benefits of marriage like better child healthcare if born in marriage should be eradicated because it causes complications for people who don’t necesarilly want to undergo the status of marriage because of all of the pressure, but they have to support their child. I think that the child care should just become a standard for legal guardians.
The important thing about marriage, to me, is not the cultural/social/moral significance, it is the legal significance. I am married to my husband so that legally we are responsible for/to each other (in sickness/health; richer/poor etc) If you are committed to a relationship then emotionally it doesn’t matter that you are married or not but legally it makes a difference. If marriage wasn’t desirable then why are gay couples fighting for the right to marry?
“The Science” as you put it is not as infallible as one may think. the current global conception of science is in its own ways based on certain normative principles gradually acquired by people over a few centuries as they shifted from feudal medieval structures thru the proto-mercantilism of the early modern period culminating into the logicof the Enlightenment and industrialization. Science, as we put it, is not an impartial objective frame of reference either, cos any point of view stands implicated in the historiographic contexts thru which it were generated. Science, like any other medium thru which we try to access and decipher the meanning of our existenc, is therefore not free of the normative prejudices of its race, milieu and moment, and does as much to validate commonly accepted or convenient truths. When it questions a prevailing order, it in turn serves the rise of a coming normative order, but it’s ogotta serve somebody. there’s no absolute truths in this world, and all our sciences and art and -ologies serve the little shadows and half-truths we choose to play with at the moment.
as for marriage, we dont need science to tell us its lost much of its relevance, thats obvious. The view that only marriage can express a ife-long commitment doesn’t hold water - its more of a defense mechanism. if you want to commit your life and love to your partner, you can easily do so without signing on the dotted line. nobody is forcing you to leave someone you share your bed with. Why cant one stay unmarried but together for their lives if they wish to? No marriage is not about commitment, its about our inability to trust our own commitment. We know, at least we doubt, that despite what promise we make, in the long run we wont be able to sustain our commitments. But this commitment and stability had been, and to a large extent, still is the basis of our economic structures and government. Before education, before academics, before anything else, its the family which works as the lowest unit of ideological state apparatus that controls and moulds our thoughts and generates unconscious consent to the prevailing values of the times. Marriage has nothing to do with love. Its a social institution that served, and still serves, a very definite social function of containment and stabilisation. As these needs go away, so will the need for marriage. But of course, we’ll merely be told that lovers dont need to marry anymore for the times have changed. Fact remains, lovers never needed it, if they wanted to stay together, or leave eachother, its not their signatures on a stamped piece of paper that allowed them to do so. you don’t love someone more because you married him or her. While a dddep and committed lover is also hard to find these days, if you find one, you wont need her signature on an official statement to keep her by your side.
Science is never clear… espesially social science. I say this as some one, who once studied this field. You may always pick up the studies that please you.
Marriage is a lot about expectations. In my own country the divorse rates differ greatly from one part of the country to other, and this in a country, where divorse has been made really easy.
I think people now-a-days don’t expect the marriage to last and the power of expectations is great. It is also shown by social sciense that when we read and watch (even fictional) affairs to happen, we start to expect them in our own life too. Also it has been studied, that the plast of beautiful people over the medias makes us less statisfied with what we have.
As others have said: the problem of marriage is in people mind, expectations and in modern culture, not marriage it self.
As a crazy, happily married woman of 15 years - this will sound insane - but I love your post! I’ve gone back and just read a few others, but I really like your stuff, even thought you and I have drastically different opinions on some things. But I like your logic and sense of reason and your scientific experiments. Here’s my brief version of my take on this post: I’ve said for years that the institution of marriage in America is a dying art. You’ll notice I said art. Science will never be able to prove - it’s much less science and much more art - one that has to have moe committment, dedication, skill, growth, respect,and nurture that any piece of fine art itself would. You’ll have to visit my blog to get more of a sense of where I’m coming from. (appropriately named: dyingarts.wordpress.com) You probably won’t like my sappiness (but it is sincere). And it’s kind of cool that we come at some of the same topics from totally different perspectives. That’s why all the flavors in the world aren’t vanilla - right? Good luck to you - I look forward to more thought-provoking posts.
I don’t think that marriage should be eradicated. I mean, let’s respect other people’s beliefs. I also think that unmarried couples should receive the necessary benefits that married couples enjoy. Governments all over the world should also realize that not all people believe the same things. Marriage is one of those beliefs.
As someone approaching his 30th wedding anniversary let me say I support marriage. No, it isn’t perfect, but nothing we humans do ever is. Rather, it is an ideal we should attempt to strive to achieve. If we fail, and end a divorcee, then at least we tried.
Why should we strive? Because we need something between society and the individual. This has always been the family, and a contractual foundation to the family is the best way to achieve this.
Why do we need something between society and the individual? Because they are two extremes and conflict constantly. We need a form of middleground in the family to take the edge off the two states of existence.
You seem to decry companionship after the hormones have settled down. But companionship, if it blossoms, can be far more satisfying than the ’sex,sex,sex’ period. If this was made clearer, maybe more couples would survive the transition without thinking they’ve fallen out of love.
As for society changing, with more options available to the individual, this is quite true. But I believe that an affair usually destroys a marriage because of deceit. Maybe we need a more open relationship in marriage so that infatuation can be satisfied without destroying the companionship you have with a spouse.
This, by the way, is not a licence for open marriages. The Bible was right about the forbidden fruit. Have a more open idea of marraige and you discover the affair isn’t worth the bother. After all, there’s no intrigue in it - which is the factor that usually causes people to stray.
Interesting discussion… I find hard to believe that the erradication of the “marriage institution” is a solution to these so called “problems”.
Are we starting to be so self centered and cinical that the only solution in our horizon is the erradication of the core of our societies?
I think the main problem with these kind of introspective discussions is assuming that we don’t need anyone but ourselfs to live… For that matter, I’m with Zaid.
It seems to me that this article embraces the notion that there are those that, instead of taking responsibility for their actions and holding themselves to a high standard, blame their problems on the exam and not their ability (or inability, as may be the case for some) to ace it.
It is a shame that some cop-out so easily. Forget about self-improvement and the many wonderful possibilities that can only come from two people building a life and family together…”it’s too hard! I QUIT!”
Wow, and they say that humans are an evolving, thinking, limitless species. We can walk on the moon but we can’t stand being married.
Sometimes being married is helpful in terms of convenience. People top asking why you are still single, if you’re seeing anyone, etc. It is also good for reasons of income, sometimes having a dual income helps when it comes to paying the bills and such.
Marriage in Occidental society is antiquated because people at a much younger age are making more money at the point they no longer need a significant other. Many women especially see that society is putting on them a double standard that they are to be both mothers and workers, and prefer to be a worker instead of a mother.
I have seen happily married couple live past their 50th aniversary, my parents passed their 30th, friends who divorced but have 2nd marriages that last many decades. However, I am from a different generation, and I am a freethinker. Relationships any deeper and lustier beyond the platonic never meant anything for the 20 years I have lived so far, and I highly doubt they ever will. I am going to be my one neighbor in fourty years living on her own, having had an exciting bohemic lifestyle, retire with a small dog that will live with me the rest of my days, never have married for any reason (or had a boyfriend last for more than a few dates), and be the weird yet hip one.
I totally agree. Onward the future…….!!!
Very well said and argued. While I believe that there are still couples who take their commitments very seriously, indeed, I don’t think I’m personally acquainted with any such people myself. Where I come from, marriage is exclusively a commitment to “enhancing power, wealth and status”. There also tends to be a smugness about it as an institution, which brands everybody choosing to remain outside the system as selfish, ignorant and without moral values.
I’d have to agree with a comment made earlier, that marriage shouldn’t be made with…”the belief that everyone requires marriage for their happily ever after …that it be made “the norm or ideal” for all.
I am a single man and I enjoy my freedoms being such. But this doesn’t leave me unappreciative of the marriages of people I know of, starting with that of my parents. I know theirs isn’t of perfection, I don’t even recall seeing them being romantic, and certainly it’s not a relationship devoid of tensions. But they’re still at it because they CHOOSE to remain and to WORK at it. They must be happy throughout the 40 years they’ve been together.
People may choose to marry and remain attached for several reasons, right or wrong(and how do we know what’s right from wrong?). It’s their choice. But eradicating it may mean losing the option of experiencing the reasons which may have made it an ‘”antiquated” institution. And by antiquated I mean to say it has withstood the test of time, and isn’t about to get lost in our lifetimes, I suppose. We can’t keep people from wanting to be loved and to try to be faithful, to pass on tradition, to rear children in a family, etc when they see these as best done under marriage.
Hi,
In the English common law tradition, from which our legal doctrines and concepts have developed, a marriage was a contract based upon a voluntary private agreement by a man and a woman to become husband and wife. Marriage was viewed as the basis of the family unit and vital to the preservation of morals and civilization. Traditionally, the husband had a duty to provide a safe house, pay for necessities such as food and clothing, and live in the house. The wife’s obligations were maintaining a home, living in the home, having sexual relations with her husband, and rearing the couple’s children. Today the underlying concept that marriage is a legal contract still remains but due to changes in society the legal obligations are not the same.
The problem of marriage is in peoples mind due to today`s modern culture and freedom, not the marriages at all.
kenwahfu(health+harmony=prosperity)
http://healthyrecipes2you.eordpress.com
Really cool blog. Coming from an eastern country, marriage is one of the parameter of success (which means status), singledom is wierd, and divorce is a big stigma. If marriage is a measure of commitment, lots of couples can be together and have kids without that piece of paper. If marriage is meant to protect women, as lots of people in this country (where the majority is moslem), it is also not quite true because there are still domestic abuse within marriage. What about polygamy? It’s permitted here, but does it really reflect the aim of a marriage?
Marriage is more to make law easier. So that people know who is the father of the children so the law knows who is entitled for the heritage. So that people don’t marry their own cousin. So companies can clearly know who is included in the health insurance.
Nowdays, women has more to say than in the 50’s. They are more independant, and work is not only dominated by male. Women have more power these days, and the definition of marriage has changed.
I am not against marriage, but as corny as it sounds, in order to be committed in a marriage, or to a relationship, love is the main ingredient to make things work and to overcome the hurdles in a relationship.
Marriage doesn’t have to be eradicted, but it doesn’t have to be overrated, too.
Ok, I could not just say nothing about this. Marriage is not the problem, it’s that people that enter into it. People enter into marriage, often with the different attitudes, but don’t realize they have different ideas. People in this free society, need to understand this, before they get married.
Also just look at the problems that the black community is having with kids that are not in a stable marriage (stable families). I find it funny that this was not looked at. Stable family units are good for society, and we all benefit.
Our society needs to do all it can to support marriage and the family unit. and that does not mean just the mother, farther, and kids, but all types of families.
This is really sad. Marriage is divinely ordained by God as the sole institution within which sex can take place. Sex outside of marriage is wrong. Marriage is God’s idea - He ordained it. Take marriage out of society and see what will happen. So many marriages don’t work because most people are woefully unprepared for marriage and have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. Only relatively recently has marriage become unfashionable but that’s not surprising since secular humanism has replaced Christianity as the “guiding light” of the West. I cannot begin to describe the dimensions of the marriage relationship as experienced by the Chrisitan couple who have a total committment to Jesus Christ and, flowing from that, a realization of their own security in spiritual and physical oneness; who have an excitement found only in each other. This oneness cannot be easily explained to the one who has not yet experienced it. I’ll say it again, sex within marriage is wonderfully right - let no one tell you otherwise.
Interesting post, I’m not sure I agree or disagree. My parents have been together for 30 years or so and I feel that marriage is a good thing for them. They help each other out and they take care of each other.
I’ve thought of being single, but then I’m only 20. I like being self-reliant and independent but on the other hand, I like the idea of having someone to care about and having someone who cares about me. Life can get lonely so it’s nice to have a lifelong companion. I’m not sure I believe strongly in commitment to family. The points you focus on, would make up the ideal marriage. But marriage is not about ideals. For any marriage to work, I think that couples have to accept what their marriage can be like and what it can’t be like, based on the personalities of the two people that make up the couple.
That’s all I can think of at the moment.
Light
well… this is a very intersting topic…
and i can happily say that it has been a great help for my upcoming debate…*wipes forehead as sweat starts to break out*… especially since its going to be my first ever debate infront of the entire school… and i’ve been voted team leader because of my use of language and clear voice…
the topic is: marriage for love or mind… i was forced to take the side of marriage for mind and im having trouble collecting enough ideas for a 25 minute speech…
thanks for this idea: love, like you wrote, “regardless of how everlasting it may feel in the beginning stages of a relationship, usually doesn’t sustain itself in the long-term.”
does anyone know any other disscussions i can look through for a little bit of help?
You quote numerous statistics that are one sided in their approach. It appears you did little to expose any research on the opposite side of the argument. It also sounds like you may have never been married. yourself. I’ve been married three times and in spite of two divorces and the obvious problems that exist not just in marriage but in any long term committed relationship, I still believe marriage offers positive opportunities that our society would be hard pressed to deal with otherwise. Beyond the normal expectations one might feel in a marriage (love, companionship, sense of family, security, fidelity, etc.) all of which can be experienced whether married or not, what would our society descend into from a legal stand point without some benchmark to establish legal rights of a spouse or child, property rights, obligations as parents for support of children, legal rights of family members to health care, insurance, etc. These issues are in the forefront of todays society as witnessed in the case of the gay marriage issue. If anything, marriage needs to be preserved, and available to all people who wish to experience it. The act of merely standing up in front of your family and friends and saying I pledge to be this person’s partner and love them strengthens bonds of love and trust and commitment in a way that simply choosing cohabitation does not. People who are afraid to make that commitment are people looking for a ready escape clause for whatever reason. Fear of being trapped, of giving up some freedom, low self-esteem that says “I’m not worthy”, bad previous experiences. There are endless reasons. But whether for religious reasons, legal reasons, or simply to build a sense of trust and commitment with another human being, marriage is still viable and a needed institution. My opinion from a three time efficienado who has made mistakes, but still believes.
i like ‘anon’s response. the likelihood is that it is just america and western cultures that have made marriage something below them! if we didn’t have marriage which is based on commitment as shown in the surveys, then can you imagine the amount of people who would have several if not dozens of sex partners? just because some people chose a certain path does not mean everyone has to conform to it and thus marriage should be eradicated. its like saying that because aids is passed mainly through having irresponsible sex partners that don’t keep a check on them selves, sex should be eardicated. kissing should be eradicated because it could lead to sexual abuse. driving should be eradicated because it could lead to drink driving or speeding. smacking should be eradicated because it could lead to physical abuse. just because marriage doesn’t work for some does not mean others should be barred from it. if marriage in itself was bad (which it is not) then humans being humans would have eradicated it a long time ago. but it is not. marriage was not intended for the things man uses it for now such as a way to gain wealth or status or what-have-you. if you should be asking anything, it should be that those who abuse the privilege of marriage…should they/their actions be eardicated. get to the root of it. its not the marriage, its the sheer irresponsibility.
There has come a terribly slack mindset towards marriage that you can go into it with the notion that if it doesn’t work out you can just divorce. It isn’t taken seriously any longer, and no one even considers it to be a lifetime committment. If you give yourself an out, and believe that it’s a credible way to deal with a problem, then the out will be taken and the problem never will be fixed. Every marriage has it’s problems, every marriage has highs and lows that can swing on a daily basis. If you look at it as being insurmountable, as something that you shouldn’t face down, work through and get past and instead feel that by simply divorcing it will fix the problem, then you will eventually build a society with such disregard to marriage that you end up with a blog post like this one. When I married, both my spouse and I went into the relationship with the idea that it was a covenant of a lifetime, that we would manage whatever came up and work through it. It’s been only five years, and believe me, I can see why people don’t want to work around their problems, I can see how it might feel easier to just pack it in and say goodbye. But it’s a committment, it’s not just another thing that you decide to try out, like a car on a lease or a rental unit. It’s been said too many times to count in these responses, but if you go into it with that mindset and don’t prepare for it or you really don’t know whether or not who you are marrying will be a compatible partner then you shouldn’t even consider it. Most people expend more energy checking out a car before they buy it than checking out a potential life partner. They work harder to maintain a job than they do to maintain a relationship. Our culture has minimized marriage to death. Together as a team, my spouse and I have many more advantages than we each did as a separate unit. I for one, will be on the other side cheering marriage on. And no scientific data is going to change that for me.
Wow,now I know what a good Blog looks like. I am a beginner in the Blogging world but wrote on the same theme in October.My daughter thought I was mad to write such things-I have been married for over thirty years.
You are absolutely right and it was good to see everyting scientifically proven.
I gave up my country,my friends,and possible career for marriage.I wouldn’t do it again. I am wondering whether now coming up to retiremenent I shouldn’t just put the things I need in a bag and move back to where I came from so many years ago. The 68er Spirit is still in me and I would like to,but probably now too old for such adventures and I don’t know whether I have the courage.
To young people thinking about marriage I can only say one thing.DON’T
I don’t see how this proves marriage should be eradicated.
Perhaps marriage isn’t all it is made out to be and isn’t better than a relationship between two people outside marriage, but it’s a choice people should be allowed to make.
None of the facts you presented were caused by marriage and would probably be much the same between unmarried couples in a long term, committed relationship.
Therefore it isn’t a problem.
Higher rates of infidelity and separation of couples are problems that are rooted in our society. Diminishing people’s choices isn’t going to solve that.
I never understood why a relationship is considered a committed relationship only when it is bound by marriage - a legal union recognized by the state, to be general. If you’re concerned about whether or not the governing forces recognize your union (and i would suspect that in some people do not speak of their relationship in these terms), then what is it to you if you’re married or not? You say you want to stay with someone for the rest of your life: then what’s stopping you from doing that without going through the ceremony? What’s so special? Is it necessary? No. There is no necessity. People will still have children - even if not in wedlock. If you were not married, would you have a child out of wedlock: maybe you’ll feel you should because others might cast a judging frown, or explicitly express their opinion on how immoral you are for having a child without being married. If you’re concerned about some of the many topics that are involved in marriage, you may decide marriage is for you, or not for you. It really doesn’t matter. I don’t agree with marriage, but I wouldn’t waste my time to completely eradicate it. Perhaps marriage is a social structure that is changing. People certainly have fallacies about what marriage means (to them), and simply talking to those who have been divorced will give you a pretty good idea of why they are divorced. Perhaps those that are divorced are naturally drawn to a feeling that they can’t be with only one person. Not to advocate polygamy, but I don’t think people are meant to stay with the same person their whole life. You leave that relationship to find someone else ( only staying with one person at a time ), because you are unsatisfied for whatever the reason may be. That isn’t a selfish reason: why should you only be limited to one person your whole life, there’s an entire world out there. The person you marry shouldn’t be the same person you die with - what would it matter anyway. Are you ‘morally better’ than someone else if you stay with the same person your whole life? Depending on who you ask… well, I’m sure the responses will be obvious: no one will agree.
If you want to get married, go ahead. However, I don’t see the point (forget about the few benefits of marriage provided by the state too: i.e. tax breaks). Legally, depending on where you live, say, north America: common law relationships are entitled to the same laws as married people. So what’s the point? Is it a moral (social) issue, legal issue? What’s the reason people choose to get married? You will all orchestrate a reason for yourself. I have chosen mine: marriage is pointless, and as long as you and your partner feel the same way - there shouldn’t be a problem. I’ve been with my girlfriend for the past 7 years ( as of writing ). Luckily for us we both feel the same way. If she wanted to get married, then the relationship would pretty much be over. You can’t disagree on something like marriage or having children. It’s an all or nothing answer for the two people involved.
That’s my incoherent rant. As if anyone’s going to read it: too long!
Nothing like giving a hornet’s nest a good kick, good article. I personally like the concept of marriage. I agree with the person who said the problem is marriage in America. I’d breal it down more to say western culture, and maybe a societal breakdown within western culture that comes from being too damned materialistic.
It cracks me up when the US government offers 25 million US dollars to some middle east group to betray Bin Laden, and not a single taker, and the US government calls them savages. How long would that last if an American knew where Bin Laden was? About the time it takes to make a phone call. I see the problem being more exposed by marriage, but the problem isn’t marriage. America, and most of “the west” has lost it’s way, forsaking culture and a soul for financial gain and some stupid belief that all happiness is based upon having more “stuff” than the other guy. The AMerican Drean has stopped being about freedom, and has become all about getting as keeping “stuff”.
I don’t see how any of this proves that marriage should be eradicated.
Why yes it isn’t the saintly white and pure institution it has been made out to be (and is still insisted on being) and perhaps isn’t anything better than a healthy relationship between two couples outside of marriage.
However, it is a choice for a couple to make themselves.
Marriage isn’t the cause of all the problems you laid out for us. These are problems rooted in our society, and diminishing people’s choices isn’t going to solve these.
This is very well written and enlightening. I totally agree with your views…
I am 49, and have never married by choice (**hey yall it aint like nobody ever asked me!**) based literally on all of the above. But not based on statistics. I reduce this just down to me. My feelings are very important to me and I dont want them hurt. I dont want to waste my time in a situation that is not “working” (which leads to divorce!), Im too into me to do anything for anyone else at this point in my life (my kids are grown and on their own-yah!)and being married means you have another person to take care of besides you…I spend my money exactly how I want to without “consulting” another person. I like things as they are.
Yes, people cheat. No news flash. Without cheating husbands I’d be out of business.
i agree with what u’ve said, it’s sad but true that marriage is losing its meaning.. simply a formal contract. but i still look forward to marriage, like most gals. haha. irony..
I support marriage.
I want to commit to the most wonderful woman on Earth.
I want to spend life seeing other forever.
But such woman super impossible to meet.
Let’s all be monks! Haha~
I think it’s a bit lame that the first ‘commitment’ you explore is ‘Love’ (I assume you’re speaking of ‘romantiv love’, although you don’t explain what you mean). Since when has romantic love been a criteria for marriage? Only some 200 years ago people in Europe have begun to marry out of love, before that and in most parts of the world it’s other reasons that make people marry for.
The topic is interesting, but the article consists of too much opinion and too little research. You could explore alternatives, like matriarchal societies without marriage… And you could acknowledge that the marriage you’re speaking of is quite the idea of a Hollywood-romance-marriage.
Great relationships are borne of two independent people who come together to share experiences, ideas, time. Marriage (and children) by its very nature creates dependencies. Which is why as soon as marriage and all the false dependencies that come with it begin, the great relationship dies.
Couldn’t agree more. Must add that role playing is inevitable in marriage and the role we play there has become a mythical one for all the reasons mentioned in the article. I think this is the reason so many people who are happy living together before marriage are miserable together after they finally decide to marry. It is as if they are replacing real life with a children’s tea party but find now, having grown up already, that sipping from tiny empty tea cups is entirely unsatisfying.
Damn, that’s good writing, mastermistress.
Marry me.
There is no question of eradicating the institution of marriage. As evolved, civilized and emotionally intelligent human beings we cannot choose to live an irresponsible and unaccountable life. Marriage brings in more responsibility and teaches tolerance, acceptance, sacrifice, self control, and many more aspects of life which no other bond does. Moreover it is an essential for a smooth functioning of society. Aren’t you sick of selfish individualism and interim pleasure seeking acts? Making things work is more important than eternal escapism. The problem is not with marriage but marrying someone who is not right for you. If you marry someone with core compatibilities, someone with character and integrity, someone with transparency and honesty, with admirable goals and adjustable lifestyle, and then work towards making it work, it is bound to succeed.
nisha
Marriage can be VERY cool. I know, I’ve done it three times! And each time, I was convinced (sometimes more than others) that this was to be bliss, never ending love, a partnershop till “death do us part”.
OK, twice it didn’t work for me and who knows about this time. The jury is still out on this one, until we either divorce or onbe of us dies. I still feel as convinced as on my wedding day that my marriage is heaven!
No one can take away that feeling of excitement, extasy when you agree with your soul mate to marry. There is no feeling I’ve had to date to match it. (Since I don’t hwave any children, becoming a mother is not in the race for me).
If you don’t want to marry, OK. Fine with me and I will respect you and your mate no less for it. If you do want to marry, fine too. And you should not have to feel bad or antiquated about it.
Love is never wrong!
Hello there,
I agree with Adam, in that Marriage is a Divine state to be in. The two persons become one person in Christ.
This blog is an indicator of the culture of death, a phrase coined by Servant of God Pope John Paul II. It is a reflection of the deeply secular world we live in.
Aside from religion, Marriage is the backbone, the bedrock of a good society. Marriage makes the family unity. It is a fact that children whose parents are married are more stable in most aspects of their lives, and are much less prone to a life of crime.
It is very silly, and rather close-minded to suggest the eradication of Marriage–especially based on a few small surveys and one’s own opinion.
For a good article on Marriage, go to http://www.americancatholic.org/Newsletters/CU/ac0596.asp
With respect and bes